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If pressed most believers would probably admit that they have sometimes resisted grace. At such moments they instead try to earn acceptance with God. This is a fundamental struggle in the Christian life.

Why do we try to earn perfection rather than rely on someone else to give it to us? There may be reasons that go beyond our inherent sinfulness. Many human beings have not experienced much unconditional love from the most significant people in their lives. Parents usually are those most blamed for this but it can just as easily be our peers, siblings or spouses who expect more from us than we can provide. If a person internalizes these 'judgments of inadequacy' the result is the sense of guilt, fear and anger that result from feeling like we can never measure up. In some people these feelings are almost all-pervasive.

The theological problem that makes it difficult to get rid of this destructive perfectionism is the truth that in actuality we cannot measure up to our Creator's standards. No man can be 'good enough' to earn acceptance from God. Every human being needs to be perfect as He is perfect if they hope to be in union with Him. But in Christ we see God's loving solution. He has given us a way of escape from condemnation in the person of His Son. Now, instead of fruitlessly trying to earn our keep with God we can receive the perfection we need through embracing Christ and His atonement. This is the very core of the Gospel. It is Good News indeed!

But that good news is hard for us to swallow, especially if the 'gods' in our life have mostly shown us anything but grace. How can a Christian who has been sinned against by these worldly perfectionists move from frantically trying to be good enough to resting in the truth that Christ's death and resurrection on there behalf has made them good enough? Perhaps part of the solution is in mourning the loss we felt when we were hurt by those who loved us imperfectly.

In place of anger there must be the kind of sorrow which leads to healing. While we are angry and blaming towards that parent, sister or friend we find it very difficult to forgive them. As in so many aspects of life, forgiveness is the key to freedom; in this case freedom from a fallen perfectionism. Anger is always a part of our response to conditional love. Such anger cannot be avoided. But if that bitterness is held on to it will eventually destroy us. With God's help, though, we instead can move on to a place of deep sorrow that has the potential to cleanse us of the negativity of anger. In the midst of the emotional turmoil that is part and parcel of grieving we need to ask God to be present and to use the grief to move us towards forgiveness.

Once we forgive the inadequate god-figures in our lives we find ourselves more open to embracing the grace solution that the Lord offers us. His unconditional love will become far more real to us and we will become far more able to receive it. Grace will no longer be resisted but joyfully accepted into the deepest, and most needful, part of who we are.

Copyright 2003, Shea Oakley. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.

About Shea Oakley: Shea has been an Evangelical believer for 12 years. He is a member of the Nazarene church and serves on his church's ministries board. Shea has a B.A. in English literature from Nyack College, a college of the Christian and Missionary Alliance in Nyack, New York. He also has earned about 41 credits towards a Masters of Professional Studies in Ministry at Alliance Theological Seminary, also in Nyack. Shea currently resides in his home state of New Jersey in the town of West Milford. He is single. Shea has written for two college student newspapers, a college magazine, Poet Magazine (one poem published), Airliners Magazine and his Church's newsletter, From The Vine to the Branches. You can e-mail Shea at: ancientskies1@safeaccess.com

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