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The Pastor's Place. For Pastors and their families.Love Your PK
by Linda Mae Baldwin (Linda's bio)
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When we arrived, the church family was excited. They had been without a Pastor for a while and were hungry for a shepherd. As Senior Pastor, my husband had his work cut out for him. I took on the Children's and Youth ministry and enjoyed spending time with eager young people. Every faction of our church body embraced our own children. It was wonderful.
I don't remember exactly when it changed, but I think it was right around the time the Lord took us through a growth spurt and led us on a capital gains adventure.
The head deacon came to our house after Sunday morning service. He informed us that many church members were concerned about our children because they never went to Sunday school. (According to this deacon, there were always many people involved in pointing out our flaws, yet he could not name any of them.)
We were shocked at his mis-information. Our children hadn't missed a Sunday School class since we'd been there. Where did he get his information? Did he check the attendance records we asked. No. Did he ask the Sunday School teachers? No. It was just that all these people had seen our children walking from the parsonage, to get to church just in time for worship so they assumed the Pastor kids didn't go to Sunday School. Instead of talking with us they had gone to the deacons.
At that time our young daughter came in the. The parsonage was small and she'd heard what the deacon said. She was crying. My husband encouraged her to speak her mind. After she explained why they came home after Sunday School, she wanted to know why people hated them. The deacon had no answer and was clearly uncomfortable. He looked at my husband as if he should silence her.
The discussion ended with my husband admonishing the deacon to get his facts straight before he accused anyone. He also gently reminded that Jesus had opportunity to face his accusers. Perhaps we should be receive the same courtesy.
Our daughter and son were strengthened through this experience and others like it, but they shouldn't have had to experience it in the first place. When malicious church members gossiped about us, it hurt our children too. We wanted our children to love the Lord without loathing His people.
We tackled everything with a family mentality. The children deserved to speak their minds, and address issues where they had been named. Of course, they would do so with respect and they always prayed first.
When we gave our children the tools to defend themselves, we gave them the ability to succeed in the world. The next time they came under fire may not have been from a Christian, but it would come. The world is full of unhappy bitter people who comb for flaws in others.
Although some children's personalities may not allow for confrontation or public speaking, they still must be prepared for what the world throws them. Here are some basic tools to help your children deal with difficult situations:
- Make sure your children know that their opinions and feelings do matter. Even if they feel like no one else listens or cares they will know mom, dad and most important, God, does. Help them verbalize feelings that frustrate them
- Pray with your kids. It does not have to be a formal nighttime prayer ritual, although those are nice. It could simply be a prayer for peace when they are angry or a prayer for right words to come when they want to say something.
- Remind yourself daily, that family comes first. The children need to feel important. When they approach you at church don't ignore them or push them away. Instead, lay a hand on their shoulder letting them know that you see them and will be with them as soon as possible.
- Respect them. Don't yell, scold or punish in front of church members. Make it a point to take them aside in private and do it. This may make some church members question your parenting ability as they never see you punish your children remember: it is ok for church members to be excluded from your private family issues.
- No matter how low funds are, take the kids out. We would stop and share an order of fries and soda. This became our time to share fears, and concerns and praise.
It's not easy being a child. It is even more difficult when you feel as if your entire life is open for observation and discussion. Give your child the tools to deal with the pressures of being a PK and they will grow up loving the Lord and His people.
Copyright 2002, Linda Mae Baldwin. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
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About Linda Mae Baldwin: Linda Mae Baldwin has ministered in churches in various capacities since 1983, when her husband answered the call to the Pastorate. The author of various plays, inspirational readings, and short stories, she currently also writes reviews for the iUniverse.com CWWC site. Although no longer in vocational ministry, Linda Mae's heart is to minister to pastors, their wives and children. E-mail Linda Mae |
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