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Healthy HomeGood Grief
by Diane H. Pitts, R.N., P.T. (Diane's bio)
IMPORTANT!: Please read our legal notice regarding this health column by clicking here.
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Sheryl couldn't understand why the slightest incident caused her to respond in hot anger.
“I wish I knew why I was overreacting. Chad was only a few minutes late.” She thought about numerous scenes over the last few months, scenes where words or tears surfaced violently and unbidden.
Later that same evening Sheryl apologized to her husband Chad. His arm slid around her shoulder. “I think you need a dose of 'good grief.'” Sheryl cocked an eyebrow.
Maybe you, like Sheryl, are wondering what “good grief” might be. Grief is a term that encompasses an entire array of emotions. Individuals experience and express these feelings in a variety of ways. Although there is no “right way” to grieve, people can grieve in ways that are destructive, or they can experience a “good grief.”
Emotional Grieving
Bereavement can produce feelings of shock, sadness, anger, guilt, despair, fear and personal loss. Mourning is a process that often goes on longer than expected. Initially friends supported Sheryl and Chad when their son died, but over time most of them disappeared into the rapid pace of life; Sheryl was “too sad all the time” and “wouldn't get on with life.” Deep in her heart, Sheryl wondered a thousand thoughts--what would have happened if she had pushed the doctors harder?
Our western culture generally compacts grief into a wake, a memorial, and a graveside service. On the other hand, third world countries accept a much longer recognition of mourning; the entire village may lament for a week or month simply because the fabric of the community or tribe has been torn. In addition, Asian cultures continue to revere the dead long after they depart this life.
- “Good grief” allows for a variety of coping mechanisms over a longer period of time.
- Emotions can be expressed instead of stuffed. In this way grief can be resolved.
Physical Grieving
Sheryl could hardly eat after Cody died; whereas, Chad's appetite seemed boundless and a munchie was ever-present. He tossed and turned for weeks while Sheryl could hardly drag herself out of the bed. After the first month, they avoided saying Cody's name for fear of “bothering” the other partner.
Sometimes individuals will abuse drugs or alcohol. Medications should be taken sparingly and only under strict supervision of a physician. Certain substances can actually halt or delay the grieving process.
- “Good grief” encourages a balanced diet, rest, and mild to moderate exercise.
- Crying releases tension and is a healthy physical response. When an individual cries, others are given permission to do the same.
Mental Grieving
Well-meaning friends took Cody's baby bed down and packed up his toys without asking Sheryl. Others pushed her to go back to work so she “wouldn't think about it.” Only a few people broached the subject of the future.
- “Good grief” suggests putting off major decisions if possible. This is not the same as avoidance.
- Break down tasks into bite-sized increments and get help when possible.
- Let other children talk through and role play their grief.
- Plan how to spend holidays and special occasions without forgetting your loved one.
Spiritual Grieving
Life seems meaningless, and faith often takes a beating in the grieving process. It is a faithful friend or relative who will listen to someone engulfed with pain or doubt.
Through a hospital social worker Chad came in contact with an organization called Compassionate Friends. He made contact with another parent who had lost a child.
“'Good Grief' is what we are going to start. We've been going at this all wrong. Tomorrow night we are meeting with some other parents who've been through the same nightmare of losing a child. We can work through our loneliness.” He hugged Sheryl,
and they began to talk and cry together.
Final Thoughts
Sometimes we don't know what to do or say when someone is faced with tragedy. A caring heart, a listening ear, and ongoing expressions of support and love can help individuals work through the grieving process.
For Your Soul Consideration
The Son of God, Jesus, does not turn His head when we suffer heartache.
“He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…”
(Isaiah 53:3a KJV)
Resource: www.compassionatefriends.org
Copyright 2003, Diane H. Pitts. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
THE CONTENT OF THE "HEALTHY HOME" COLUMN IS PRESENTED IN SUMMARY FORM, IS GENERAL IN NATURE, AND IS PROVIDED FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. THE CONTENT IS NOT INTENDED IN ANY WAY TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR FACE-TO-FACE, IN-PERSON, PROFESSIONAL, MEDICAL, PSYCHIATRIC, OR PHARMACEUTICAL HEALTH CARE ADVICE. ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH CARE PROVIDER WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE REGARDING A MEDICAL CONDITION, HEALTH DIAGNOSIS, OR TREATMENT. NEVER DISREGARD MEDICAL ADVICE OR DELAY IN SEEKING IT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE READ IN THE "HEALTHY HOME" COLUMN. Please read our full legal notice.
| About Diane H. Pitts, R.N., P.T.: Diane Pitts has practiced in the fields of nursing and physical therapy for twenty-five years. She currently manages the education and escapades of three active boys in addition to pursuing an interest in writing. Healthy Home seeks to provide the reader with practical ways to maintain wholeness in body, mind, and soul. Contact her at healthyhomecol@earthlink.net. |
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