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Guidelines for Fathers Part 1: Fathers Should Be Approachable
by Norman Bales
All About Families


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Where do you go to enroll in "Dad Training 101?" They don't teach that at Harvard, Yale, Princeton or even LSU. You can read books on fathering, but we learn best from examples. That's just the problem. None of us had perfect fathers. Where do you find the model father? Believe it or not we've got one. When Jesus taught his disciples how to pray, he said "This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, . . ." (Matthew 6:9). Has it ever dawned on us that when Jesus taught us to address the God of heaven as "Father," he was pointing us to the perfect Father? Has it ever dawned on us that Jesus said he came to show us the Father? Over the next few weeks, I want to explore some principles we learn about fathering from the example of our Heavenly Father.

Basically there are two texts I want to work with.

The first is Matthew 6:6

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

The second text is from Matthew 7:7-8

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

From these texts, we will identify significant fathering guidelines. To begin with, fathers should be approachable. Our Heavenly Father is unseen and that's bit of a stretch for some folks. How can we approach Him when we can't see Him? This may be the most difficult lesson to learn. Someone said, "confidence is the glue that holds relationships together." I can't tell you how many times I've been encouraged when somebody said, "I've got confidence in you." But I can also tell you that it's an enormous discouragement when somebody says, "I don't have any confidence in you."

To have confidence in God we must believe that He's approachable. But how can we really trust Him when we don't see him? Our texts address that very issue. Jesus said "pray to your Father who is unseen." God is not going to physically make his presence known. But we know He is approachable because we have the assurance of his Son, who was seen and we have reliable testimony of those who saw the Son. And the Son, who made the blind see, the lame walk, calmed the sea and walked on water gave us this word of assurance. "Your father will see what is done in secret and reward you." He went on to say in the second text, "ask, seek, and knock." In each case, the Father is approachable.

God is not a reluctant Father. He doesn't feel badgered, jerked around, pushed in a corner or manipulated by his children. When we ask in prayer, He's not saying, "Oh no, he's down on his knees again." "How many times do I have to listen to that?" The Father is not annoyed when his children approach Him. On the contrary, He delights in hearing from us. Hear the words of Psalm 34:15, "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry."

What does that say to a man living in the twenty-first century who's trying to get a handle on being a better Dad? It says to me that I need to be approachable. I need to listen when my children come to me with their concerns. I know how hard that is. I've raised three sons and a daughter. And I remember the days when they were around ten or eleven. And they would go to a movie. I especially remember my boys reporting on having seen an action movie. And when they came home, I had to listen to what seemed every word of dialogue and they also threw in the sound effects. The only things I didn't get were the special visual effects. I don't know about you, but that's hard for me to listen to, but I did make an effort. But I think I've lived long enough to reap a few rewards from that. The youngest of my children is 32 years of age; the oldest is 41. They all call on the telephone and sometimes they actually ask Dad for advice. I don't know how often they take it, but I really like being asked. I really like being filled in on the things that are happening in their lives I doubt if that would be taking place today if I had pushed them away when they wanted to tell me about the adventure movies.

It helps to remember that my Father is approachable, even though the concerns I want to express to Him may be as trivial as my children's reports on an adventure movie. By the same token I need to create an atmosphere of accessibility for my children.

In the Next Installment: "Fathers Should Give Their Children Good Gifts