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WHY MARRIAGE?
Part 4:
Children Do Best When Their Father is in the Home (along with their Mom)
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families

In the bee kingdom, the bee father (known as the "drone") completes his responsibility when he makes his contribution to birth of offspring. The children "honor" him for his efforts by killing him. Since he has no further use to the members of the hive they eliminate an unnecessary consumer.

It may work that way for bees, but it does not work that way with people. Children need fathers in the home. One therapist felt so strongly about it that he said, "Even if the father is dead, if you will stuff him and set him in front of the television set, he's better than no father at all."

Dr. Wade F. Horn, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, recently argued for the importance of married fatherhood in the Smart Marriages Newsletter. He said, "The most effective pathway for improving the well-being of children is marriage. No other pathway comes close - not child support enforcement, not enhanced visitation, not cohabitation" (January 2001). To William Doherty, director of Marriage and Family Therapy at the University of Minnesota, the difference between children living with a married father and those who don't is like the difference between black and white. He claims, "If you are a child and your parents are together, married, and reasonably happy, you have the best shot probably in human history to have an active, involved, loving father. But if you're a child and your parents aren't married, aren't together, you have a really good chance of not having much of a father in your life at all . . . This is the greatest generation of fathers and the worst generation of fathers."

There are several reasons why children need fathers who are married to their mothers. For one thing, a married father is legally responsible for the well being of minor children. If you want to say we really shouldn't need laws to make fathers love their children, I'll agree with you, but this is not a perfect world and the threat of legal consequences is needed to encourage some fathers to take care of their responsibilities. A married father is present in the home (or should be) and thus has opportunity to bond with his children. He's much more likely to be there for soccer games, music concerts and conflict resolution. If he's a God-fearing father, he'll sit beside his children in church, pray for his children and offer the guidance they need. The Bible places that responsibility on fathers. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). An unmarried father can't do that.

If you ever plan to bring a child into this world, your love for that unborn child should be incentive enough to wait until you are married before becoming a father. A child needs a father. A child especially needs a father who is married to the child's mother.