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Dad as a Communicator
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families


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While the power of example is enormous, the task of fatherhood requires us to go beyond role modeling. The Old Testament tells stories about Eli and Samuel, who lived exemplary lives, but whose sons were woefully errant in their ways. A value structure has to be communicated. Old Testament fathers didn't attempt to delegate the spiritual instruction task to Bible class teachers, youth ministers, Christian schools and entertaining videos. No Hebrew father ever dreamed of sending his children to "The University of Moses" where he could expect the faculty to make up for a lifetime of parental neglect in just four short years.

Home schooling was God's plan and dads were neck deep in it. They didn't assign the task to their wives. They were told to speak of God's commands, ". . . when you sit at home and when you walk along the road , when you lie down and when you get up." They even used their clothing and their houses as visual aids. (Deut. 6:6-8). Communication is inherent in Ephesians 6:4 ". . . bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Paul specifically assigned fathers the task of instructing.

In order to be an effective communicator, today's fathers must have a clear perception of their objectives. For Christians our parental aims include:

• training our children to honor God.
  
• helping them to function as independent, responsible adults.
  
• giving them resources to cope with trials and difficulties.
  

• Listen. Most of us prefer telling to listening. We will never actually know what our children need if we don't listen. If you're only listening with your ears, you're not really listening. You must listen with your eyes as well. Your face is even important to the listening process. The expression on your face tells your child whether you're listening or not. You also need to listen for the things your children do not say. Omissions in their conversation may say more than their words.
  
• Tactfully self disclose. Share your appropriate feelings. Admit your own shortcomings. Some children have trouble relating to God because God is called "Father" and they know their earthly fathers' weaknesses all too well. It's always a good idea to admit that God is the only perfect Father and that your performance falls far short of that. Children can handle the confessions of an imperfect father far better than they can handle the arrogance of a father who pretends to do no wrong.
  
• Utilize the teachable moment. In our own home, our children usually didn't respond all that well to our lectures, especially the ones that started, "when I was your age." Teachable moments occurred, however, in ordinary life experiences. Just spending time together in work, play, church activities and sharing special moments at the supper table provided our teachable moments. We are big believers in making sure the family shares mealtime at least once a day. It may be the perfect setting for teachable moments.