• Apologetics
  
• Arts Ministry
  
• Children's Ministry
  
• Evangelism
  
• Pastors
  
• Worship
  

In Sickness As In Health
by Norman Bales
All About Families

When Ann and I repeated our marriage vows before a congregation of friends and well-wishers, I said something like, "I promise to love you in sickness as in health." I don't think I had the foggiest about the extent of my commitment.

In the years that followed, Ann has been through numerous surgeries, two trips to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, a life-threatening pancreas problem and a couple of bouts with pneumonia that also threatened a premature end to her time on this earth. On top of all that she's had numerous bouts with viruses, cold, flu, migraine headaches, non-migraine headaches and maybe even some strange bug she picked up in South America that took several weeks to incubate.

On top of all that, she had me as her primary care giver. I acquired most of my nursing skills while treating farm animals during my youth. When I'm with humans my bedside manner leaves a great deal to be desired.

When ministering to the sick, I tend to be like a Doberman who thinks he's a lap dog. I don't know if she wants kind words and sympathy or if she would prefer to suffer in silence. Over the years I've decided that her desires for human interaction provide a reasonably accurate guide to her state of wellness. If she becomes very dependent on me, she's very sick. On the other hand if she complains about small irritations, it's a sure sign that she's improving, though not quite well yet. For some reason, I rarely think to stop and ask how she would like to be treated. I sometimes wonder if her illnesses get transferred to me, and they only affect a nerve that numbs my brain.

Unintentional irritations are hard to avoid. I remember stumbling through our bedroom one night when she was suffering through a migraine headache. I made her head throb even more when I kicked the bed. I'm blind as a bat without my contact lens. I have a pair of extremely thick glasses, but sometimes I get up and wander around the house without them. Don't ask me why I do that. It's illogical to think that I can see without my glasses because I'm in the dark. However, I can nearly always locate the bed by Braille, but that's not a wise thing to do when the slightest movement increases the pain index in Ann's head.

Ann really deserves to be treated much better. She holds two degrees in nursing and another in psychology. She is a highly skilled caregiver. In the family she is known as "Nurse Ann." When I'm sick, she really pours on the TLC, despite the fact that I'm a patient who resists treatment and tries to avoid both doctors and medicine. But Ann persists. I could not ask to be treated with more compassion, understanding and genuine caring. It would be nice if she could get equal treatment, but nobody said that this is a fair world.

Ann and I do a certain amount of pre-marital counseling. We talk to them about the "sickness and health" promise. I like to cite Peter's statement in 1 Peter 3:7. "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." A part of considerate living means finding out what to do when your wife is sick. We try to let young couples know that it's likely one of them will eventually become a primary caregiver in a time of serious illness. If you're going to get married, you need to think through that role before you walk down the aisle. How can I give that kind of advice when I'm admittedly so poor at care giving? I have only one thing to say in my defense. I'm better than I used to be.

Send this page to a friend

Send this page to a friend: