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Getting the Hang of Cheerful Discourse
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families


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Ann and I keep separate appointment books. However, we would not be able to preserve our sanity if we did not double-check each other's calendar. Otherwise we would end up committing ourselves to be in two places at once more often than we do. So far, neither one of us has learned how to accomplish that remarkable feat.

A few years ago Ann entered the following sentence in her appointment book. On a certain day she scheduled both of us. The sentence read, "We have a date and nothing is to interfere." I figured that entry was meant for my eyes, so I wrote the same thing on my calendar.

We agreed on a nice restaurant and proceeded to behave like a courting couple madly in love with each other. Actually that's a bit of an exaggeration. For one thing, when we were courting, I can remember her sitting next to me in the car. With seat belt laws being what they are, that arrangement doesn't seem very practical. Besides, I was driving a car with bucket seats at the time and she really didn't want to straddle the gearshift. And to tell you the honest truth, I'm out of practice when it comes to behaving like a suitor madly in love with a young girl.

When we arrived at the restaurant, I began to feel heavy pressure. I wanted it to be a memorable evening. I needed to make stimulating conversation. As I recall our courting days, I could get things going by asking, "What have you been doing today." Now that I live with her every day, I'm supposed to know. I've never been a reluctant talker, but there's a difference between forming syllables in one's mouth and engaging in a creative conversation. About the time we got through evaluating the salad bar, I came to the brutal realization that I could only contribute to a memorable evening if I did two things. For one thing, I would have to talk about pleasant matters. That one I might be able to manage with a great deal of effort. The second requirement increased the level of difficulty. I would have to listen to what she had to say. The first part, talking about pleasant things, required me to resist some of my favorite subjects - politics, sports and people who rub me the wrong way. However, I did get the hang of it after a few abortive attempts. I complimented her dress and that sort of got the ball rolling. It's amazing how a compliment arouses interest. We talked about things we like, people we admire stuff like that. I really worked hard at listening. Our date ended up being one of those memorable times in our marriage.

I don't know why married couples stop having dates after the wedding ceremony. Married life is a whole lot more enjoyable when couples take the time to do some things together and talk about good things. It's also a positive environment to work on bridging the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.

It all comes down to observing the principles Peter laid down for husbands, " . . . be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect" (1 Peter 3:7).

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