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Involuntary Transition
Part 5: Dealing with the Shock of Involuntary Transition
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families


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When we are confronted with involuntary transition, we often speak of waiting for things to get back to normal. That's probably not going to happen. Our idea of "what's normal" was obliterated by the transition itself. You have to think about a "new normal." How do you accept the loss of "normality" and begin the process of working toward a new normal? Here are some suggestions.

1. Deepen your relationship with God. You may be confused about circumstances. God is not confused at all. He will not abandon you in your time of crisis. The Psalmist wrote, "O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways." (Psalm 139:1-3).

2. Put the past behind you. You can't change anything that happened in the past. It's good to accept responsibility for your actions but it doesn't help anything to beat yourself over the head with the mistakes you've made. David sinned grievously and it cost him greatly. After his son died and he realized the enormity of both his sin and his loss, the Biblical text says that he " . . .washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes." He worshipped and " . . .went to his own house and then at his own request, they served him food and he ate" (2 Samuel 12:20).

3. You need to spend time with safe people, trusted friends. When Jesus was about to go to the cross, he chose to spend time with Peter, James and John - his close friends.

4. Reject the temptation to allow yourself to be bitter. When your involuntary transition took place because others acted in an arbitrary and prejudicial manner, you will want to project yourself from further heart by allowing yourself to become hardened and embittered. Perhaps you'll decide you'll never trust anyone again. You're not going to let anyone hurt you as much as this person has. Perhaps you'll protect yourself from further hurt, but you'll also drive those away who want to genuinely love you and that's simply too big a price to pay.

5. Work at developing a constructive frame of mind. Paul wrote the letter to the Philippians from a prison cell. Not only did he have to deal with unfair incarceration, he was forced to accept the bitter truth that some of his fellow preachers tried to make trouble for him while he was under arrest (Philippians 1:17). He didn't dwell on that. He concentrated on more positive things. "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things" (Philippians 4:8)

You may be entering into a phase of involuntary transition. You may not choose whether you are well or sick, employed or unemployed, prosperous or poor. However you are never without choice. You choose your attitude.

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