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Involuntary Transition
Part 3: Some Additional Dynamics of Involuntary Transition
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families


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Last week we discussed the following dynamics of involuntary transition.

• Denial of closure.
  
• Shock and denial.
  
• Defensiveness.
  
• Carry-over.
  
• Unrealistic expectations.
  
• Unwillingness to trust.
  
• Projection.

In addition to these difficult dynamics, we want to suggest some others that often take place when an unplanned and undesired transition takes place in life.

• Neglect of spiritual growth. Strangely enough, we often deny ourselves our greatest potential resource when we feel the sting of involuntary termination. We turn away from our spiritual resources. Perhaps we believe God has abandoned us. We don't know all the reasons for it. We just know that people often stop attending church, reading the Bible and praying when they experience unwilling loss. It's tempting to follow the example of Elijah, who retreated to a cave and begged God to let him die.

• Scapegoat feelings. When you feel involuntary loss, you may be tempted to think that guilt and blame are being heaped on you by others. You may even be right in that perception. Whether it is deserved or not, you will likely feel a sense of inferiority.

• Defensiveness. Even fun loving people often become edgy and sharp tongued.

• Resentment. You may verbally deny your resentment, even as resentment eats on your insides. It doesn't seem quite Christian to admit that you are holding a grudge, so it takes a toll on your mind and body. Prolonged resentment may contribute to stomach disorders and hypertension.

• A feeling of betrayal. So often the people who initiated our loss were people we considered friends, those whom we trusted. The termination of a job or other important relationships may also mean a loss of friendship. Such grieving can be as severe as the death of a loved one.

• Harsh judgment of self. Some people are more than willing to accept the blame for the circumstances that caused the disruption in their lives. When they enter into new situations, they attempt to give more than they are capable of giving. They work at becoming overachievers. They become discouraged when they cannot perform to the level of their own expectations. Often they will subconsciously do things that undermine the dynamics of the new situations.

• Discouragement. Overcoming the hurt of an involuntary transition usually takes a long time. We want to put it behind us very swiftly, but then discover that we are unable to do so. Waiting becomes very difficult. Depending on the severity of the transition, the hurt may linger for a very long time.

Next Week: How much self analysis should we allow ourselves?

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