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The Spiritual Core of the Husband/Wife Relationship
Part One: "Could Marriage Ever Be a Hindrance to Spirituality?"
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families

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Why is it important for a husband and wife to have a strong mutual commitment to God? Some people might not consider it important at all. The secular spirit of our age is well documented. Married couples often think their mutual likes and dislikes, similar political views, compatible personalities and shared interests will provide them all the common ground they need for a long, lasting and fulfilling marriage. In his best selling book, The Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster lamented, "Superficiality is curse of the age. The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need for today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people" (p.1)

However, many people are beginning to think something is missing in our secularized materialistic culture. In 1999, George Gallup reported, ". . .the percentage of Americans who say they feel the need in their lives to experience spiritual growth has surged 24 points in just four years from 58 percent in 1994 to 82 per cent in 1998."

Blaine Pascal spoke of a "God shaped void" within our hearts and Augustine wrote of a restlessness that can only be satisfied in God. Anyone, who has thought about the subject seriously, realizes that we yearn for more than full stomachs, nice houses, fast cars and expensive adult toys. If an individual has a need for a relationship with God, does it not stand to reason that a married couple has a need to work together on drawing close to God.

We have known people, who seemingly did very well with their marriages despite the fact they lacked a common faith. However we believe there are a number of reasons for a married couple to pursue spiritual goals together. Why A Strong Mutual Commitment to God is Desirable:

1. It provides a moral compass.
   
2. We can go to God when we have problems.
   
3. When we share mutual faith we have oneness in the part of our lives that matters most.
   
4. It prevents conflicts over involvement in church life.
   
5. It gives structure to our lives.
   
6. We are taught in God's word to live unselfishly and to treat one another with respect. Without that kind of direction, most people will think of themselves first in all their relationships.
   
7. It gives us a reason to hope when a spouse dies.

It is not an easy thing to turn the other cheek, go the second mile, control anger, love your enemies and forgive those who sin against you. However, these are clearly the things that Jesus taught and modeled.

Several things get in the way of our good intentions:

• The standards of Jesus are at odds with the standards of the world.

• We live in the flesh and the tendency of the flesh is either to take the path of least resistance or to even the score when we have been wronged.

• We attempt to live up to spiritual standards with fleshly resources and fleshly resources are totally inadequate.

• We often walk by sight when we should walk by faith.

In 1 Timothy 4:7-8, Paul wrote, "Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." Paul suggested we have the capacity to "train ourselves to be godly." The word "train" is a sports metaphor.

If you follow professional golf, you know the name of Tiger Woods. Without question he is the finest golfer on the pro tour today. There are many excellent golfers and then there's Tiger. He's in a class by himself. Every weekend golfer would like to learn from Tiger's approach to the game. Try to picture a person whose only exposure to golf is watching Tiger on television. He decides to take up the game. He buys a set of clubs just like those Tiger Woods uses. He studies videotapes of Tiger's tournaments. Then he goes out to the course and tees up the ball the way he thinks Tiger does it. He's even thought through the Tiger's arm pump, his trademark gesture when he makes a birdie or an eagle. Will he get the same results Tiger gets? Of course not. He hasn't paid the price that Tiger has paid and still pays today (Of course natural ability probably has something to do with it too).

Athletic excellence comes to those who pay the price of rigorous training. The same thing is true in spiritual matters. The two of us recently started a workout program. We hope to tone up our muscles, shed a few pounds and improve our cardiovascular system. We keep our workout program going through mutual accountability and encouragement. We've done the same thing in our spiritual development for many years. If husbands and wives will make themselves spiritually accountable to each other, they will greatly improve their ability to grow spiritually.

Next Week: "Can Marriage Be a Hindrance to Spirituality?" - Thoughts on 1 Corinthians 7

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