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GUIDELINES FOR CHRISTIAN WOMEN WHO WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME
by Norman and Ann Bales
All About Families

INTRODUCTION

The number of married couples with both spouses working outside the home has increased more than 40 per cent since the sixties. In our work with churches we have noticed how flight from the home to the workplace has eroded the base of men who are available to help with ministry tasks. At our home congregation in Shreveport, Louisiana, two thirds of our full time homemakers are over the age of fifty. Half of all our adult members, who are in the work force, are women.

Christian women are often forced to defend their decision to work outside the home. While there is much that can be said and needs to be said in defense of the women who choose to stay at home when their children are being raised, we are not dealing with working mothers fairly unless we:

• Objectively consider the fact that their decision to work outside the home can have legitimacy.
  
• Look at what the Bible actually says about mothers working outside the home.
  
• Consider the reasons for women working outside the home
  
• Offer help to ease the pressure of balancing career and family.

WHY DO WOMEN WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME?

1. Economic Necessity This is especially true of single moms. If the family is to survive, she must provide the living. Even in those homes, in which the husband is the primary breadwinner, the economic pressures are very great. Sometimes wives are able to stay at home because a husband takes two jobs. That's not always an ideal situation. For one thing the husband may endanger his health. For another, the quality of his relationship with his wife and his children is often greatly reduced. The way our world is structured today, it has become increasingly difficult to make ends meet on a single income. Many legitimate arguments have been made about scaling back lifestyles so that a family can live on one income. On November 11, 1998, we reviewed Jonni McCoy's book on Mi$erly Moms which offers practical suggestions for scaling back. (Read a review.)

   However, there are often some practical reasons for both parents working. Perhaps a couple would really like to scale back their lifestyle and make a firm decision to do so. That's fine. But what do they do with the indebtedness they have already acquired. That may require two incomes, at least for a while.

2. Women Often Work Outside the Home in Order to Provide Material Benefits That Would Not Otherwise Be Available.

   These might include braces on children's teeth, college education for the children, retirement benefits, etc. Many parents no longer want to trust their children to the public school and also feel inadequate for home schooling. The private school becomes their education option of choice, but that's expensive. Unless a husband has a very good paying job, it's unlikely that most couples will be able to afford private education. Some couples are trying to start their own business, but then learn that it's nearly impossible to get health insurance, so one spouse goes to work in business or industry, so the family can have health benefits.

3. Women Sometimes Work Outside the Home in the Interest of Being Good Stewards of the Gifts God Has Bestowed upon Them.

   They may be better-adjusted people if they feel they can contribute to the betterment of society. According to a study released in the eighties by Grace Baruch and Rosiland Barret, career women actually report the least amount of stress-related illnesses and depression. Why is this the case? Possibilities include:

   • They may have a better sense of personal well being.
     
   • The study is based on what they reported. It is possible that they actually have these symptoms, but feel so obligated to the work place that they don't report them.
   • There is also the possibility that "stay-at-home" moms often aren't really "stay-at-home" moms. They are the prime candidates for PTA leaders and Scout den mothers. They often keep a hectic schedule as they taxi their offspring to dance lessons, Little League Baseball, music lessons, etc. Their husbands expect them to pay bills, run errands and fix mechanical things that break. To be quite honest, those of us who work in churches often overburden these people with tasks that take them out of the home. They may be spending only small amounts of actual time with their offspring.

1. The responsibility for childcare has never been the exclusive responsibility of mothers. According to Deuteronomy 6:6-9, the responsibility for spiritual instruction belongs to both parents.
   
2. The "Worthy Woman" in Proverbs 31, was involved in commerce, management and real estate. Yet "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" (Proverbs 31:28)
   
3. The "widow indeed" in 1 Timothy 5 was involved in activities outside the home. She was devoted to "washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds." (verse 10).
   
4. While Titus 2:4-5 says that women should be "busy at home," the text does not say that she is never to leave the home.

1. When children are left with another person, make sure the care provider will provide consistent, safe care.

   Select a person you know well. We would recommend individual care over a day care center provided the parents are well acquainted with the caregiver and provided that person has proven to be emotionally stable. We would also be concerned about the caregivers moral and spiritual values. It is also important to have the same care provider over a long period of time in order to establish consistency in the life of the children. If a day care center is selected, get references. Consult others who have used the day care center. Don't place unqualified trust in a day care center just because the word "Christian" is in the name of the establishment. Investigate the track record.

2. Select a care provider who respects and honors your values.

   Make sure you have a good understanding about the enforcement of rules. The best care provider is one who is a Christian and teaches God's word both by precept and example.

3. When you are not working, spend large blocks of time with your children.

   If possible, make sure you come home from work at the same time every day. Predictability is important to the child. If you have to let some housework go in order to spend time with the children, make the children your priority. If the appearance of the house is important to you, engage a cleaning person. In an Israeli Kibbutz, families live in what amounts to a commune. Parents work in the field during the day. Everyone in the Kibbutz shares meals together. After the evening meal, the children are taken to their parents' home for two hours. After that, they are taken to a communal nursery and put to bed. American visitors often criticize the residents of the Kibbutz because they spend only two hours a day with their children. At this point, a Kibbutz resident will ask an American visitor, "Do you spend two hours with your children every day?" At that point most of the critics don't have anything else to say.

4. If possible, take a job that has some flexibility in scheduling.

   The computer has made it possible for some women to serve their companies from their homes. While that's not possible for everyone, the opportunities are increasing. Sometimes husbands and wives can arrange their work schedules to fit the needs of the children. Suppose a nurse works from 7 to 3. She will get off work about the time the children arrive home from school. If her husband has a 9 to 5 job, he can get the children ready for school. That way a parent is in the home at crucial times.

5. Recognize the need for shared chores.

   To make it work, a husband must accept part of the responsibility for domestic chores. In all marriages, the assigning of household labor tasks holds the potential for conflict. Our ideas about domestic chores were developed during a time when most husbands were breadwinners and most wives stayed home and took care of the house. In a world where most wives are working outside the home, we are still trying to handle domestic chores the same way we did when most wives were at home. Wives are worn out because they can't keep up with the work and husbands are frustrated because a lot of the housework goes undone. Does anybody ever think about the possibility of putting four hands in the dishwater? We really need to rethink our approach to domestic chores when wives work outside the home.

We need to remember that "All women work, whether it is at home or out in the labor force." (Bev Becker, Christian Woman. March/April, 1987). We need to stop guilt tripping our working mothers and offer them resources to become better mothers. Some will choose to stay at home. Others will choose to be in the public work force. Both choices should be respected and honored.