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Coffee And... Maybe Yes, Or Maybe No
by Louise Bergmann DuMont (Louise's bio)
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Cultural differences often lay the foundation for some pretty interesting social situations.
I am German by heritage and American by birth. I grew up in an ethnically diverse neighborhood that provided rich intercultural experiences. Our neighbors to our left were Polish. From them I learned to appreciate spicy kielbasa and generously stuffed pierogies. Our neighbor to our right was a lovely Italian widow with four children. I vividly remember her kitchen. More often than not you could find homemade paste drying across a broom handle that straddled two kitchen chairs. My childhood church was a Lutheran-Slovak congregation that even today conducts one service in their founding language.
All of this diversity as well as my strong ethnic upbringing made me particularly sensitive to language differences. One of my first unofficial corporate jobs was to help acclimate German-American employees to the United States. Most spoke excellent English but found deciphering American idioms troublesome.
“What does 'kick the bucket' mean?” my new German boss asked wrinkling his brow.
“When someone 'kicks the bucket' it means they died,” I replied with a laugh.
He shook his head in consternation, “That makes no sense at all. American's have the strangest way of meaning things that they refuse to say.”
But the United States is not alone in confusing its foreigners. A missionary recently spoke at our church and told us about the customs in his country.
“If someone offers you a cup of coffee,” he said, “the polite reply is 'No thank-you.'”
“But what if you want a cup of coffee,” I piped in, forcing down my panic.
“Oh, they will ask again.”
“So you say 'no' the first time and then you say 'yes' the second time.”
“No… you should say 'no' at least three times in order to be polite.”
My eyebrows shot up, questioning his answer.
“You see,” he said patiently, “they will continue to ask until you respond positively. By saying 'no' the first three times you pay your hostess a compliment. It tells her that you appreciate all the work she's done to provide refreshments. You also let her know that you don't want to inconvenience her.”
“But eventually you do say 'yes'?”
“Of course. That tells your hostess that you certainly would not allow her go through all of her preparations for nothing.” He smiled as if this made perfect sense. It made no sense at all to me.
I'm glad that God does not make us decode His words and does not ask us to mask ours. God calls us to pray specifically and to speak clearly to other people. No coy comments or veiled innuendoes should be flung about like feathers in a pillow fight. Words have the power to destroy lives or to build spirits (James 3:3-8). What we say and how we choose to say it is important.
How are you using your words?
I tell you, on the day of judgment you will have to give an account for every careless word you utter.
Matthew 12:36
Copyright 2003, Louise Bergmann DuMont. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.
| About Louise Bergmann DuMont: Louise Bergmann DuMont is the facilitator of the North Jersey Christian Writer's Group and a recent winner of CWG's 2001 conference scholarship. She has written for numerous local periodicals, journals and newspapers and recently began expanding her horizons to include more widely circulated publications. Louise's interests include gifted/learning-disabled children and fiction/fantasy writing. She is married and has three sons. E-mail Louise |
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