|
|
Christian Indie Radio
GetChristianMusic
Solid Walnut Music
|
|
|
|
|
|
Devotionals
|
|
Cartoons
Culture
Family
Games
Health
Homeschooling
Humor
Inspiration
Kids
Men
Ministry
Parenting
Poetry
Teens
Women
|
|
Statement of Faith
Contact Us
|
|
|
|
Christianity and Culture:
Staying Single Longer
by Shea Oakley (Shea's bio)
Send this page to a friend
American Christians, following the national trend, are entering marriage later in life. Today a growing number of previously unmarried believers remain single into their thirties and forties. This is changing the face of the Church and not necessarily for the better.
It was not so long ago that the vast majority of Christians were married by 25. The progression was either from high school or college to wedlock (The old joke at Christian schools was that many female students were there to get their “MRS.” Degrees). Shortly thereafter families were usually started and by 30 the vast majority of couples had at least one child. In some more rural parts of the country this is still the norm.
But in and near the urban centers more and more believers are postponing marriage. This is happening for several reasons. Perhaps foremost is a “divorce culture” that has produced more broken homes than ever before. All too many 20 to 40 year olds are children of divorce. The results of growing up under such circumstances are two generations of Americans who profoundly distrust marriage as an institution, whether consciously or unconsciously. While this distrust is less prevalent in the Evangelical world it still exists and is not helped by recent statistics indicating that born-again Christians are ending marriages at the same rate as the national average. According to recent polling data one in every two of our unions ends in divorce.
Another cause for postponing marriage is the changing role of woman in the United States. The past 35 years have seen the doors open in nearly every profession once dominated by males. Evangelical woman are more career-minded than ever before, again reflecting the national trend. Marriage gets postponed in favor of concentrating, at least for a time, on the working world.
Unrealistic expectations of marriage stemming from secular society are a third reason. Today Evangelical men and woman are both apt to have a long list of requirements for any perspective mate. This mirrors a non-Christian culture which looks to romantic relationships as the reason for living. When the stakes are that high “Mr.” or “Ms. Right” must be almost perfect. Perfection is, of course, only to be found in God and these kinds of unrealistic standards are impossible for any human being to meet.
Whatever the reasons more and more believers are either willingly or unwillingly staying single. Churches often do not know what to do with older singles. Married couples tend to associate with other married couples, especially once children come into the picture. While some make an effort to include in their lives those who aren't married, many do not. As a result the “unattached” either bond with other singles or, more disturbingly, become isolated from the larger Christian community. One way the Church has tried to deal with the problem is through singles ministries. Unfortunately this tends to encourage the continued separation of singles from marrieds in the body of Christ. In addition these types of ministries have a tendency to produce either “meat markets” or “pity-parties” or both. The unspoken assumption is that they exist as holding tanks for people who sooner or later will, and should, enter into marriage.
It is significant to note here that the early Church, following the example of Jesus and Paul, often encouraged singleness as the better state for a believer to be in. Celibacy then did not carry the stigma it does today. All too often in the Protestant world of the early 21st Century marriage is considered a prerequisite for anyone who hopes to be respected spiritually, especially if he or she hope to become leaders in the Church. How many Evangelical pastors are single?
As more believers stay single longer this rift between single and married Christians is likely to increase. This state of affairs may seem unavoidable but it should not be allowed to divide the body of Christ. If singles ministries and matchmaking are not the answer perhaps we, whether married or unmarried, should ask ourselves what is. There are enough things to divide believers already without adding this to the list. What would Jesus do?
Copyright 2002, Shea Oakley. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
|
About Shea Oakley: Shea has been an Evangelical believer for 12 years. He is a member of the Nazarene church and serves on his church's ministries board. Shea has a B.A. in English literature from Nyack College, a college of the Christian and Missionary Alliance in Nyack, New York. He also has earned about 41 credits towards a Masters of Professional Studies in Ministry at Alliance Theological Seminary, also in Nyack. Shea currently resides in his home state of New Jersey in the town of West Milford. He is single. Shea has written for two college student newspapers, a college magazine, Poet Magazine (one poem published), Airliners Magazine and his Church's newsletter, From The Vine to the Branches.
You can e-mail Shea at: |
Send this page to a friend: