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The Caped Defender:
The Caped Defender in... The Felines of Fury
by The Caped Defender (The Caped Defender's bio)
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[NOTE: The following column is from The Caped Defender's Christmas Diary: A Memory of 2002.]
The Christmas holidays are upon us or are clearing up. My wife and my best friend, the Design Defender, and I have just recently put up our Christmas Tree. Granted, it is about as real as Clark Kent's glasses, but it does its job.
However, like most things in our lives, a Christmas tree has led to continued difficulties in our household. I do not mean of the disagreement type, usually she will do whatever I tell her to do
[THIS IS A WIFE'S EDITORIAL: If my husband and BEST FRIEND, the Caped Defender, wishes not to sleep outside in the snow he will retract his last statement!]
Right … anyway as I was saying and since I hate the snow, my wife (who is the hardest working and most beautiful woman on the planet. Love ya, dear!) and I have been living up to our Defender names. We have set up patrols (12 hours on 12 hours off) to protect our four-room (bathroom included) apartment.
What can be so devastating, you ask (if not, play along for the column's sake!).
Nope … not Drako Scarlett from the last two columns. He is small potatoes compared these creatures.
What about the time traveling telemarketer? No! Though I wish, because they can be killed.
Wait … you in the back. Ah-huh. Ah-huh. Ah-huh.
Close! Very close. For those of you who did not hear, the gentleman in the back suggested Sasquatch-like aliens bent on conquering the Earth. He was close because our enemies are hairy.
Well not to drag this out much further, my wife and I have been defending our new Christmas Tree from (insert suspenseful music here) OUR TWO NEW CATS!
[EDITORIAL SIDE NOTE: Due to both cats being minors (not the coal digging kind) their names have been changed to protect the innocent. Their names are Furniture Destroyer Number One and Furniture Destroyer Number Two.]
Just this morning, the black one with six toes (Destroyer Number Two) took off one of the branches. The orange one (which we got first. Hence, Number One.), spends most of its time knocking around my wife's Autographed Mighty Woman Christmas Ornament (Ms. Woman was kind enough to autograph it for my wife even though I accidentally knocked Ms. Woman's head into a nearby toilet. Don't ask … I was fighting an evil plumber).
So now, we have taken to spraying the cats with a water bottle. Before I get letters complaining, I had been showing them pictures of my late Grandma Daisy Lynn at the beach (shore for everyone inside New Jersey).
And let me tell you, my Grandma Daisy Lynn did not photograph well. When she was in a bathing suit, you could see her third arm hanging from her back. Which is unsettling, considering the fact, she fell easily somewhere in the 350-pound range and she was barely five feet tall
Those pictures nearly put our cats in ICU and I was almost arrested for animal cruelty.
“Is that an elephant's trunk on this woman's back?” the investigating animal control officer asked.
I explained.
“Burn the pictures,” he said. “Stick with the water bottle!”
However, you can only use the water bottle so many times before our cats look like they were extras in an Aquaman television show. Wet kitties and the winter do not mix, it leads to kitties with colds.
So what are we to do?
My wife, and STILL best friend, did the best thing. She pulled off the bottom limbs of our artificial tree. Now there is more room for presents (I am praying for Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring 4-DVD disc set), and the cats run around and chew on the spare limbs.
The Design Defender pulling off the tree limbs got me thinking. Christ does that for us. When we are in situations, He will prune us so that we can fit best where He has placed us.
Check out John 15:1,2:
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the gardener.
He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”
Another cool thing about this passage, check out verse 15. This is Jesus talking again.
“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you.”
This is the Son of God
God in Flesh Incarnate
the Word of God talking here.
He is calling you and I FRIEND.
That just blows my mind.
So, this season as we not only fight around the Christmas Tree, the lights, the presents, and the Food. Just remember one thing, a Friend was born in a manger. And He was (still is) a Friend who just came to visit, because He missed us.
Now with that … HEY! HEY! Why am I typing “hey”? My cats can't read. Now they're chewing on my cape/coat.
Excuse me. I'll be back.
Copyright 2002, The Caped Defender. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
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About The Caped Defender: The Caped Defender resides in his secret "Defender Lair" in an anonymous town in New Jersey. He recently married the love of his life. However, at the request of his beautiful wife, and I quote "Please, please, please don't mention my real name!" The Caped Defender collects comic books and wants to be a writer. EDITOR'S NOTE AND OPINION: He needs help. Lots. Thank you. You can e-mail The Caped Defender at thecapeddefender@netzero.com |
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