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The Caped Defender:
The Caped Defender in... The Adventure Begins
by The Caped Defender (The Caped Defender's bio)
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As the song says, "Welcome to my world…" I am the Caped Defender! The defender of…the…um…caped…I guess.
No!
Wait...
I am the Caped Defender – I defend people wearing a cape! Actually it's not a cape, but more of a gray trench coat thing (no I hate that word)…item (hope this will do) that was given to me by a friend of the family whose husband gave up wearing coats. No it's not the Snow Nudist from Wellington, Ohio (Sheesh!)
He gave up wearing coats, because simply…he passed on. But that is neither here nor there.
I discovered I had super powers at the age of (what's a good age?…I know…five!) five. It was then I discovered I had amazing abilities beyond those of mortal men.
I could throw a baseball more then three yards!
I could run faster then the kid with the limp in gym class. (SIDE NOTE: I am not advocating the use of making of fun of kids with limps so please do not write me concerning this. If you do write me I will find you and beat you about the head and shoulders with a broom handle.)
(SIDE-SIDE NOTE: Please know, I do not advocate the use of beating people about the head and shoulders with a broom handle, so please don't write me.)
( SIDE-SIDE-SIDE NOTE: I do not advocate side notes to get me out of trouble.)
(SIDE-SIDE-SIDE-SIDE NOTE: Before I tent peg this, I lied. I do advocate side notes.)
Where was I…Oh yes, I also discovered that I had the ability to tell a story!
Those are powers beyond those of mortal men.
What?
You laugh at me?!
You say that "normal" people can do such things?
I scoff!
I mock! I…I…yi yi yi yi…Lucy…Lucy (I cast out the spirit of Ricky Ricardo!).
All right, let's face facts here…so I don't have a long red cape, I have a cool coat. So I can't fly, but I drive a neat purple Dodge Neon that gets a mile and a half to the gallon. And big deal I can't take a bullet…I am on my fourth ingrown toenail in the last year.
I will admit, it would be nice if they made a movie about me, like my buddies Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man (who never returns my calls).
Maybe I should change my name to Caped Defender-Man? Anyway…
Granted I don't have the physique, the charisma, or millions (and millions…for you WWF fans) that these heroes have (or make for their greedy capitalists bosses!) but there is one thing that sets me apart, and it is this…
(WARNING: THIS IS THE CHEESY MORAL PART OF THIS COLUMN) According to Psalm 139:14 David says, "…I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Granted there are things I can improve on, but once I begin to compare myself to others around me, suddenly my silly shortcomings have become God's failings. And as the old saying goes "God don't make no junk." (It helps if you re-read that with a Brooklyn accent).
And you know what that becomes? Envy. And envy, as I recall from Sunday School days as Caped Defender Boy, Envy is one of the Top Ten…"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ________ (fill in the blank)."
What's that you say? I have just stepped into the realm of "bumper sticker solutions"?
You may be right.
But frankly I am not here to solve deep theological issues in a 1000 words or less (actually 700…that's how much they're giving me…stingy!). I am here to bring a smile.
If I didn't do that – oh well, life goes on. If I did, then welcome. Welcome to my world, because I'll do it again in two weeks.
Copyright 2002, The Caped Defender. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
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About The Caped Defender: The Caped Defender resides in his secret "Defender Lair" in an anonymous town in New Jersey. He is currently engaged. However, at the request of his beautiful fiancé, and I quote "Please, please, please don't mention my real name!" The Caped Defender collects comic books and wants to be a writer. EDITOR'S NOTE AND OPINION: He needs help. Lots. Thank you. You can e-mail The Caped Defender at Thecapeddefender@yahoo.com |
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